


Black Hole

by mggislife2789



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Depression, Emotional, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-13
Updated: 2018-02-13
Packaged: 2019-03-18 00:17:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13670316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mggislife2789/pseuds/mggislife2789
Summary: Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or their original stories. This is only for fun. It's where my brain goes after the credits roll. No copyright intended. Better safe than sorry. ;)





	Black Hole

“I’m so-”

Will shook his head. “Don’t be. He needs you. We’ll be fine.”

With a quick kiss, JJ headed out the door. It had barely been 10 days. Honestly, she didn’t know if he’d even moved, but she couldn’t be at home with her family when her best friend was all alone.

As she walked up the stairs, she took her usual place against the wall, sliding down after knocking on the door and saying a word or two to alert him that he didn’t have to do this alone.

Inside, Spencer lay with his head on the couch staring out the window at the sun and cursing it. How dare it shine so brightly when Maeve’s own light had been snuffed out so unfairly? Sure, he could give anyone who asked a plethora of reasons why the world would continue on exactly how it was despite a horrific tragedy, but he didn’t care; it was all so colossally unfair.

A tear got caught in the corner of his eye only to be blinked away when he heard JJ knock on the door. For the past five days, she had knocked, told him she was there and sat there; he had no idea how long. He found it simultaneously comforting and annoying. He knew she meant well, but she had a family - that entity he so desperately wanted and seemed permanently out of reach - and he was jealous, that in turn made him feel guilty because why shouldn’t she have a loving husband and children? JJ deserved the world.

On the other hand, it was comforting to know she was there if he wanted to open the door. But not today. He wanted to - he really did, but the thought of ungluing his limbs from his place on the couch made his brain melt. Maybe another day. He was already steaming in his own self-pity, he couldn’t handle her pity too. 

After two weeks, Spencer came back to work, but he glided in and out of the Bureau with no affect - just doing his job and leaving. Everyone tried talking to him - Hotch, Morgan, even Blake who he’d gotten close with in a short amount of time - but no one could get him to talk about anything but work. 

Spencer was the king of bottling his feelings. JJ had personal experience in that area; not only did she do it herself, she imagined her sister must have too. The last thing she wanted was for Spencer to become that hopeless and if she could do anything to help him, she would. 

For the time being, Will took exclusively morning shifts, which allowed him to be home for Henry at night so that she could assume her place outside Spencer’s door. It went on for so long that she was wondering if he’d ever let anyone in again.

“Spencer?” She said as she knocked on the door. “I’m here.”

The door cracked open before she could sit against the wall. He said nothing, but she let herself in and locked the door behind her, taking a seat on the opposite end of his couch. “I’m here.”

“I know.”

As she glanced around his apartment, she couldn’t help but notice the lack of organization. Certain things, like his bookshelf, were always disheveled, but that made sense because he was constantly pulling things off the shelf to read and re-read over and over again. Other things though, like his kitchen, were piled high with dishes, which was ironic because he looked thin and malnourished.

Without asking, she placed an order for pizza to be delivered. He needed to eat, she was hungry and there wouldn’t be any dishes. When she stood up to go do his dishes, he spoke up again. “JJ, you don’t need to do that.”

“I know I don’t. I want to.”

By the time the pizza came, she’d made a big dent in the dishes. “Why did you buy pizza?” He asked.

“Because you need to eat and now there’s no clean-up.” She gave him a smile and slapped a slice of pizza onto a paper plate, handing it to him as the smallest hint of a smile crossed his eyes for the first time since Maeve died. 

JJ knew that he’d been up and about, coming to work and walking around, but she’d been afraid that when he got home, he stayed frozen in place. Thankfully, that fear had been assuaged when she saw him get up to wrap up the rest of the pizza and put it in the refrigerator. Nearly an hour passed before he said anything. “I’m so tired.”

“Want me to go?” She asked. 

Spencer didn’t even register the question. “I miss her.”

Her head snapped up to see Spencer’s lip quivering, his eyes affixed to the book The Narratives of John Smith that stood cover forward against the rest of his collection. “We could’ve been…”

“I’m so sorry, Spencer.”

When he choked out a sob and his head fell into the back of the couch, JJ felt a pang of pain and a sweep of relief. Moving closer, she wrapped her arms and allowed him to cry. “I don’t know what to do,” he sobbed. “People have come in and out of my life before, but it’s never felt anything like this.”

JJ hugged him tighter, burying her head in the crook of his neck. “Let it out, Spence. You’ll feel better if you do.”

The sob got caught in his throat again. “I’ve never believed that someone could die from a broken heart, but every time I think about her, every time I close my eyes I see her face and my heart feels like it’s being wrenched from my body by a black hole. I’m so scared this feeling isn’t going to go away.”

“It will,” she replied. 

It would, but the journey there would be hell. “It’s going to be hard - probably one of the hardest things you’ve ever done, but you’re so strong Spence. You’re so much stronger than you know. You can make it through this.”

“How did you do it?”

“W-What do you mean?”

“Can you think of Rosaline now and smile?” He was searching for eyes for a hint of hope.

Her heart sank and then soared at the mention of her sister. “I can. It depends on the situation, but I can. And you will be able to too.”

“When?” He demanded desperately. Angrily, he wiped his eyes in vain; the tears kept flowing. “When will I be able to see her face and not die a little all over again?”

She answered him honestly. “I can’t tell you when. But I can tell you that you don’t have to suffer in silence. That hollowness is something we’ve all felt. Don’t keep it in.”

“It’s so hard…I-I-I don’t want to bring anyone else down with me.” Even now he was thinking more about the team than himself.

A laughing sob left her as she kissed his forehead. “Friends put themselves in those vulnerable positions for the people they love. Yes, it can bring up bad memories, but it’s through that shared vulnerability that everyone heals - knowing we aren’t alone allows us to share the pain. I chose to be here, Spence. Even if I wasn’t here, I would choose to listen; so would everyone else.” She quickly added, “Holding everything inside will only delay your ability to heal.”

He knew she was right, but it was still so hard to comprehend. “I know…” he replied. “I just c-can’t right now- I can’t heal. I-”

“That’s okay,” she whispered as a new stream of tears fell from his eyes. “You don’t have to right now, but you can…and you will.”


End file.
